The older I get, the wiser I become in the area of friendships. What actually matters, how to recognize toxic friendships and when to say bye to even the oldest of friends.
First and foremost, I want you to understand that it’s OKAY if you and you’re OLDEST and dearest friend go separate ways. Sometimes when you have known someone for 20 years you believe you owe them something, when in actuality you owe it to your self to cut the relationship off. I did so a couple of years ago when I realized that one of my former best friends had a agenda I could never compete with: she loved herself and herself ONLY. To this day it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.
It’s funny how I never saw how selfish she was until the biggest day of my life: My Wedding. She allowed her boyfriend to talk down about my choices and stuck up for him when was confronted (he is the type who ONLY cares about money and status, if you catch my drift). I knew in that moment this wasn’t a relationship I wanted to carry on into my 30’s. Some people might be sad but in that moment I was so relieved. She made it that much easier for me and I will forever be grateful to her for that very reason. It wasn’t the first time she showed me how little she cared but sure was the last time I let her treat me like a void.
I don’t have the energy and time to devote to someone whom won’t do the same for me. Life is short and I refuse to accept anything better than my worth. My time matters and I command respect at the age of 33! I have been through a lot of loss in a short span of time and realized what actually matters in friendship: Respect, reciprocation of kindness and exclusion of ALL narcissism. I cannot deal with such ideals…its goes against the very core of my being. My mother always taught me simple sayings that matter sooo much to me now! Treat others the way you would want to be treated, you catch more flies with honey and her most FAMOUS of phrases:
God don’t like UGLY
Plain and simple as day, it all makes sense now. Just being kind can brighten even the darkest of days someone may be having. I cannot tell you for how long I let some people walk over me while letting my anxiety shoot through the roof trying to please them….and for what? Now that I am a mother of two, this is ingrained into my brain and way of life even more. I want to show my children they can choose to kick noxious friendships into the past and choose uplifting relationships that are impactful and lasting. Those are the ones that matter……we all need a homegirl you can call at 3 in the morning even when you haven’t spoken in MONTHS. Someone who is going to understand your breakdown and not judge you for the emotional mess that you are.
At this point in my life, it is about quality over quantity. I would rather have 3 solid friends that I can trust and count on instead of 200 flakers who can’t even pick up the phone in my time of need. Your feelings are validated and matter….put your energy where it counts! You will thank yourself the sooner you do cut out the haters. Team love only from here on out!!💕💕